I’m pregnant…again! If you’ve been following on Instagram, this may be old news since we announced we are expecting baby number 2 last month. We kept it to our family and close friends for the first few months because truly, it took a while to process. Everything, and I mean everything about this pregnancy experience has been completely different than the first time. Starting with how we found out.
Almost three years later I still get messages from women who stumble on my TTC series on YouTube when I was trying to get pregnant with Leyton. Long story short, after months of trying to figure out my cycles and a crash course in “TTC” (trying to conceive) with no luck, we eventually saw a fertility specialist who figured out why we hadn’t gotten pregnant. A round of Clomid and an HCG “trigger shot” (a medication duo that alters hormones to stimulate follicle growth and force ovulation) ultimately led to Leyton. Everything about it was pre-planned, guided by doctor’s appointments and ultrasounds. It was timed to perfection and boom, it worked!
Fast forward a few years and I always just assumed when the time was right we would try on our own for a bit, but had no qualms about going back on Clomid if needed. At that point I was pretty sure I couldn’t get pregnant without it anyway. But we kept pushing off when we would start trying. Initially we wanted a two year age gap but as that window came and went we started to get much more comfortable with a 3-3.5 year age gap between our children.
I was torn. On one hand I was so excited by the idea of growing our family, but I was also deeply affected by everything we went through with Leyton’s health. It’s taken a long time to process that experience and the nagging “what if” was too strong to ignore. So we waited.
Cut to the day after 4th of July when I woke up feeling horrible. I had a couple glasses of wine with family the night before, but certainly not enough to be feeling this off. We were headed to a neighbor’s house for another BBQ, so by 4pm when I still felt awful I decided to take a test. I had plenty left over from when we were TTC with Leyton, so I figured why not. I was technically a day “late” which wasn’t uncommon for me at all, but coupled with feeling sick felt reason enough to test.
It turned positive instantly.
Shock doesn’t even begin the cover how I felt in that moment. I grabbed the test and sprinted into the office where Jordan was working and could barely get the words out.
We canceled on our friends immediately (and have since apologized profusely and explained why haha) and just sat there staring at each other. Jordan ran out to buy a few more tests thinking maybe it was old? It’s a cheapie from Amazon maybe it’s not even accurate? Test after test said girl, you’re pregnant. We were so stunned we laughed, I cried. I must’ve said “WHAT” about 4,596 times sitting on that bathroom floor next to a pile of tests.
The morning sickness, as it is so INACCURATELY named, kicked in almost instantly. I was nauseous from sun up to sun down and throwing up every few days for months. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to what set off the vomiting spells. However, the smell of coffee or the sight of raw chicken were a strong indicator that I’d be running to the bathroom any second. All I could eat was plain sourdough bread or pasta with butter and Parmesan cheese. A far cry from the daily fruit basket I consumed when I was pregnant with Leyton!
We had our first ultrasound at 5 weeks to confirm my due date and check for the heartbeat. We were blessed with an absolute angel of a sonographer. She remembered our history with Leyton and could not have been more comforting, understanding and didn’t waste a second showing us the baby’s strong heartbeat. Hearing that sound made it feel so real, but it took weeks to fully accept that this was happening.
I wrote another blog post that I will share shortly on my feelings around pregnancy after CHD, because it has completely changed our experience. I’ll never get back that blissfully unaware mindset where I can ignore all the potential complications and terrifying outcomes. The feelings are much more complicated this time, and not just because it was such a surprise.
But week after week this baby showed us how much he was meant to join our family, and the butterflies of excitement have only grown. See you in March little one!
We can’t wait to meet you.
